Here's me and the girls.
Most recent photo i could find.
It's from someone's phone so
it's not the best quality.
hello too all my peeps!
i wanted to let you all know that i've been praying for you a lot. friends and family have really been on my heart for a few weeks now. i love hearing from you even though i'm becoming horrible at this whole blog thing. haha i still love your messages on here and on my phone!
well...it's the 1/2 way point! i can't believe it! i'm officially on break now! for only 5 days, but yahoooo!!!! i'm so excited to sleep in for once in my life! hehehe no curfew, no schedule! i don't know if that's good or bad for me??!?! haha it's a bit weird to not have everyone around every day, but it's a good time to rest and breath.
i'm sad to say that my digital camera broke. i have no idea how, i took it out of the case and the lense looked like it cracked. i was so bummed!! so...i'm going to try to bring it to best buy and see if they can do anything. but all that said, i can't post any more sweet action pictures. although i do have some awesome friends here that may let me download some of their pics. in that case, you can expect some pics of what i've been up to.
we had another relational wholeness seminar last saturday. it was once again, really really good. they're totally putting language to so many things that have happened and are happening in my life. it's amazing! i love being freed from so many things! take it to the cross even though it hurts and the pain comes back, it's in His hands now!!!
we also went to a baseball game last saturday. the royals vs. the braves! haha it was so great! here we are, cheering all loud 'cause we're actually out of our bubble for the 1st time in a while. we didn't know what do w/ ourselves! haha. we got on the jumbo-tron 'cause we were cheering so loudly! it was sweet! even though the royals sucked really bad and lost 11-4, it was a blast.
God's really been uprooting a lot of things from the past, and it's good! like i said in my last blog, He's been teaching me so much about the Cross and how everything leads back to it. taking my hurt and pain and bringing it to Him. realizing that Jesus died for me! then, and only then, when i get this revelation, can i truly worship freely 'cause He's for real set me free! WOW!!
keep me in your prayers! let me know how i can be lifting you up! luv ya like crazy!!!
peace out,
kel
well.....HERE I AM!!!!! still alive, still breathing! no i haven't been ignoring you, i've just been getting my brain fried from classes and learning how to die daily. so...all that said, I'm SO Sorry! i know i have SOOO many fans out there,haha, and i just wanted to apologize and ask you to forgive me, since i haven't written in about 2 weeks! yikes!!!!
it's almost the half way mark, and i can't believe i've already been here this long! holy cow!!!! it's really flown by like everything else.
i was finally able to catch up w/ P.N. and jess the other day. thank goodness, i was mising them like crazy. it was just good to chit chat and to hear what's going on way up 'der in da'luth.
i've been really challenged lately w/ all i'm learning. and it's really hard for me to not spew out what i just learned 10 minutes ago. but God's been teaching me to hold on tightly to the revelations that He's giving me, so that, in the opportune time, i'd be able to share them and allow them to go forth w/ power and pierce the hearts of those receiving it. aka, be quiet kelly! hahaha, no, i'm just realizing how powerful words are and i don't want to mess w/ what God wants to accomplish bc i'm busy rattling of new revelation that i haven't allowed to hit my heart as well as my man made wisdom. that's been so sooo sooooo good for me.
God has also been drilling me w/ the reality of the Cross. it's all about the Cross. and i don't want to go off and tell you all about what He's showing me, i just really want to intrigue you to know that we can't really know how beautiful we are until we know how truly dark we are. that we REALLY do need a SAVIOR! not to go get all depressed because of all you've done and blah blah blah, but to really reflect on who we are, "for
ALL have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God..."Rom 3:23
it's just been a really awesome/stretching/and hard process of allowing Jesus to come in and reveal my heart to me. to show me who i am, the depths of my depravity and then take it to the Cross, FOR REAL!!!! then, and only then, am i able to be free, to see my beauty only found in Christ and to pour forth true worship to this Man who died for me. and what better of surroundings to get all the crap out, than here. it's glorious! so..i'm really longing and searching out the Cross. granted, studying the very act that redeemed all creation isn't some little bible study, this is a life long thing, but i might as well start now by getting revelation of the Cross and revelation of this God Man who
became sin.
so, what's been going on the past few weeks is this...we've had a spiritual warfare conference w/ over 1,000 intercessors from all the U.S. and the world!! how awesome!!!! it was really a call for a huge solomn assembly to cry out to God to have mercy on our nation. especially in this crucial time w/ the hurricanes and whatnot. a few weeks prior to the conference, and even still, i've been gripped w/ God's heart for several things. He's just been allowing me to feel a smidge of what He feels and this is ushering me into intercession. ohhh to know what God feels! wow!!!! i simply am saying 'Yes' and that's all i can do. He must lead me and determine my steps!
well...like always i could probably write until i get severe wrist problems, but i'll let you all go. i thank you all for the mail and the messages! i love you! miss you a lot! i am praying for you hard core and desiring all that God has for you to come forth!!!! be blessed. like always, keep me updated!!! i want to know how you're doing and what God's doing!!!!!
prayer requests:
*that God would be very clear w/ where, what, and when He wants me to do after this internship
*that hunger for Him and His very Word would increase
*that the revelation of Jesus and the Cross would become reality w/in me
much love,
keldog
yo yo yo,
i'm realizing that i'm bad at this whole blog thing. haha i'm actually really busy, so that allows for me to fall behind w/ updating ya'll w/ how i'm doing.
so...it's the last day of our 3 day fast. the global bridegroom fast is the 1st 3 days of every month. it's been great thus far. it'll be the end of my 21 day fast today as well. so...aka. i get to eat meat!!! yipee!! hehe i've been craving chicken so badly the last few days. haha.
besides that, i'm almost over this cold and i'm feeling better.
i can't even begin to tell you all what God has been up to. we had a healing seminar this past weekend and it was really good.
i'm realizing that the more we fall in love w/ Jesus, the more vulunerable we become. i've been feeling this. and after feeling this over and over, it's not a big deal. such as crying my eyes out in front of everyone. God has brought me into a place that w/out fasting and w/o a deeper revelation of who He is and His love for me, i wouldn't have been able to be healed the way that i've been. this healing sem. dealt w/ broken relationships specifically between parents.
well...i thought that i was healed from the aftermath of not growing up w/ a father. but i'm realizing this is a process. that it's a lot deeper wound then i can even put words too. and the only thing that can help me is the love of God and the leading of the Holy Spirit to usher me in and tell me it's okay to touch another layer of this. so...i was ushed into another place of pain and hurt which i've never felt before dealing w/ this. it was so great though, bc i'm realizing that God's leadership is so perfect that He wouldn't go deep unless He knew i was able to handle it.
i also was confronted w/ something that i've never thought of before. this is pretty personal for me and my mom, but i know that it's healing for me to even talk about it.
i've pretty much felt the abandoned and rejection spirit ever since i can remember. if it wasn't for who i was, it was for who my family was or wasn't. God so gently revealed to me that as a little girl i've allowed myself to actually take on the pain and the abandonment of my mom. that bc my father left her and wasn't able to be there for her, i took it upon myself to 'feel' w/ her and let that pain of her's be w/in me. and i've dealt w/that for all my life. and i finally have language for it. it's so amazing!i finally was able to let it go and i know that i can be free from it bc that's NOT MY JOB. it's okay to have a burden and pray it out and feel for people, but this is a bit different. i know that God has to come in and take all the feelings of this away and He's slowly but surly doing it! i'm so grateful that He's revealed this and where HE is there is freedom!!
i'm racking my brain to pin point what i can exactly write on here. i've been consumed w/ a God burden for Duluth! it's intense! i've been crying out for revival and that God will break in! it's so in me, i can't even explain! i pray that you all would be strengthened and awakened to the love of Christ and gripped w/ a desire for His Word! it's life! it's bread for each day! it's NEEDED in our lives!!! i love you all!! i just also want to encourage you all to get together. to lift up the voices that God has given you, to pray for our city! to believe that God is going to do something!! this is so crucial! we must come together, pray, fast, and cry out to God for Duluth!!!
Joel 2:12-18!!
i've been really praying for chi alpha and for the churches of Duluth as well. i hope all is going well. that the outreaches and whatnot have been on ramps for people to come into a relationship w/ Christ!!! keep chugging team!!! you all rock!!!
i just have a huge love w/in me more you guys! i can't even begin to explain, but ohh how i wish you were able to be w/ me in all that's going on. not that ihop is 'the answer' but the fact that i've grown w/ so many of you all for a long while, and it's hard bc you're not here going through it again w/ me. but it's good. don't get me wrong. He has me here and you there for a reason!
i've been really hacking through Jeremiah and it's ruining me. i'm seeing God's heart for His people being unveiled right before my eyes. HE JUST WANTS OUR LOVE!!! He's longing(this God who is all, above all, has made all longs? anyway...) for a people who will ask Him how He's feeling. who will take the time to listen to Him. to be w/ Him. The more i read this(Jer.) the more i see how it resembles us, our country, and this age. God's #1 desire is that Israel would simply come to Him. turn their faces from their idols(anything that exalts itself above God, especailly ourselves) and turn towards Him!!! He has emotions!! HE desires!! this is crazy, crazy, crazy to us bc so long we've been fed w/ lies that God is indifferent and doesn't really care. NO NO NO!! HE so cares!!! wow! i'm feeling the weight of this and it's leading me to the good fear of the LORD! that He's nearer than we think. that HE sees us! that HE's consumed w/ one thing, US!!! wow!!! thank you Lord, i just pray that we'd get a deeper revelation of what this really means. what idols have i put before God? dang! this is somehow sensitive spot in us all! it's so good to look at this though. i'm so excited that HE's plucking things out of me. even myself! haha. it's good!
so...anywho, i gg. like i said, i love you all! it's for real! i love you!!! He loves you!!!! can't wait to hear more about how you're all doing! keep me updated please!!!!!!!!
peace out,
keldog
Hey all!!
i'm so sure that you all thought i had abandoned you! haha NOPE! i've just been busy w/ stuff and not really having a lot of free time.
well... for starters, i've been sick. my roomies have all been sick and i miraculously didn't get it right away. i was like, praise you Lord! for keeping me well. but, the next morning i woke up and my throat was sore and i was all stuffed up. bummer!
we've also just begun classes. FSM(forerunner school of ministry) just started this monday! how exciting! i'm so very pumped for all my classes!
monday night's w/ corey russell -Burn class
tuesday night's w/ allen hood- excelencies of Christ(studying JESUS!!! could there be anything better?)
wednesday afternoon's w/ dave slyker- biblical studies of eschatology(study of end times)
friday afternoon's w/ corey russel- study of Jeremiah!
saturdays w/ wes martin- grid class
i've enjoyed ALL of these classes thus far! although my brain at times feels like it's in information overload, it's all good. haha, i think to myself, "I just want to love God". but i'm realizing God has allowed me to be a planner for a purpose. i'm making a schedule for myself and my times in the prayer room. study time, meditation time, journal time, etc. i really want to be excellent w/ all He's intrusting me w/ so that means using my organizational skills to make out the best 'game plan' for my days.
i had a bitter sweet experience last night. it was my 1st time singing in the house. it was really fun, and nerve racking at the same time! i'm realizing still how nervous i get, yet i was doing it for God. it was still crazy. but i know w/ more practice it'll become comfortable.
since i haven't written in a while i thought i'd be pretty vulnerable and barf up on you all, once again. this is so good for me. the more i write out and speak out what God is doing, He's solidifying it w/in my heart more and more. i love that! try it!!
i've been fasting for about 13 days today. i'm on a daniel fast(fruits and vegetables) and it's been so amazing. i'm realizing what it means to live the 'fasted lifestyle'. meaning, i've given up things for God. food yes, but more than that, friends, money, and TIME!! this is incredible to me bc it seems so hard, but the more you do it, the more it becomes who you are, and i can't imagine living any other way. I ENJOY IT!! dang! and it's not like this weird diet thing or me doing it for anyone else. it's just between God and I. it's so personal and it's amazing. i guess i'm sharing this w/ you all to 1- encourage you to pray and ask God how He'd want you to fast(with your time, w/ your finances and w/ whatever else gets in the way of you meeting Him daily) and 2- it's allowed the places that are hard w/in my heart to become tender towards Him and it allows Him to do a supernatual deep deep work w/in you. IT'S UNDESCRIBALE!!!!! it's also a speedier process than if i wouldn't be fasting. He's waited until this very divine moment to reveal things that are w/in me that i wouldn't be able to deal w/ unless i were fasting. isn't His leadership and timing SO BEYOND US?!?!??!
prior to coming out here, the 2 months before, i realized that i was slowly becoming complacent and allowing friendships and people priority in my life. the thing is, it was so subtle that it didn't seem like anything. but i know that God(in His perfect plans) was wooing me to come here. even possibly allowing me to get into old habits and to slink away from Him a bit , just so i could see what it was like. that may seem weird to you all, but i know, that w/out that experience i WOULD NOT be as hungry as i am right now for Him. it's so incredible.
w/ all that said, i wasn't able to cry for a really really really long time. even upon coming here. i was like this empty well. yet i felt like all this water w/in was so ready to burst forth at any time. it's a weird feeling. and i just remember praying over and over again to God, hoping that i would just cry! get it all out and be okay. but i think He once again allowed me to be 'emotionally constipated' until a few days ago. it was so beautiful!
i was in COM group and we were all going around sharing what God was doing and as i began to share, He came and began to do more than i expected(what's He's best at). i was talking about how He's been showing me that i put a lot of esteem in what people think of me and they've been determining my worth. that i wasn't allowing Him to tell me who i really am and believe it. i would instead go to people instead of Him and even believe the lies from the enemy. and it became such a part of me that I was doing it subcontiously. but again, He spoke to me that I NEED HIM! that my identity is IN HIM and IN HIM ALONE!! but the reality is, i knew that, i know that, but it didn't really become heart knowledge. it was just up in my head. but as i began to share this, and how i felt Him so strongly last sunday during our intern prayer meeting, i began to cry out of no where! it was a funny event to me. haha i was so excited that He'd healed me and brought freedom w/in me in this area that i've struggled w/ probably since i've been a little girl, i was laughing, crying and praising Him all at once.
ALL i can say is GOD IS SO GOOD!!!
for the 1st time, in a long long time, i felt free and a confidence that was unexpressable overcame me because I'M HIS! what other people thought really didn't have weight on my emotions, my worth and on my actual identity. ALL i wanted was to please Him. wow!!! it overtook me and i lost it that whole day! haha
on top of that we had burn class that night and God did a lot of freeing things as well. ultimately, i just wanted to share this and verbally praise the Lord. because even though i've felt freedom in this, i've also felt even more attacked in this area since. it's a spiritual battle!!!the enemy just wants us to be in bondage w/ so many things in our lives and keep us locked up. but the more we push back the lies and fill our lives w/truth(the Word of God) and who we are in Christ, those lies will bounce off bc we're founded and grounded on the only trustworthy living thing: THE WORD!!! JESUS! HE is the Word! not that we won't be tried, tested, persecuted, attacked, etc., Jesus was, but we'll be armed w/ the sword of the Spirit to fight back. and not allow ourselves to sit back and let it affect and rule us.
i've also been reading one of the best books i've read, or maybe i just am in the season of needing what it's talking about, but it ministered to me so deeply.
it's called "Clowing in Rome" by Henri Nouwen
it's talking about solitude, celibacy, prayer, and contemplation. but it's got a cool spin on each of these. i'd recommend it to all!
well...i feel like i could write a book, but i'll stop here.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR PRAYERS!!! i can seriously feel them and I need them! i'm realizing that i wouldn't be able to press on unless others were lifting up prayers for me! so again, THANK YOU!! i love you and i'm praying that the love of Christ would dwell w/in you all. that He'd continually strengthen you and reveal the reality of who He is to you.
peace out,
keldog
