Kelly Says It Big

yo yo yo,
i'm realizing that i'm bad at this whole blog thing. haha i'm actually really busy, so that allows for me to fall behind w/ updating ya'll w/ how i'm doing.

so...it's the last day of our 3 day fast. the global bridegroom fast is the 1st 3 days of every month. it's been great thus far. it'll be the end of my 21 day fast today as well. so...aka. i get to eat meat!!! yipee!! hehe i've been craving chicken so badly the last few days. haha.

besides that, i'm almost over this cold and i'm feeling better.

i can't even begin to tell you all what God has been up to. we had a healing seminar this past weekend and it was really good.

i'm realizing that the more we fall in love w/ Jesus, the more vulunerable we become. i've been feeling this. and after feeling this over and over, it's not a big deal. such as crying my eyes out in front of everyone. God has brought me into a place that w/out fasting and w/o a deeper revelation of who He is and His love for me, i wouldn't have been able to be healed the way that i've been. this healing sem. dealt w/ broken relationships specifically between parents.

well...i thought that i was healed from the aftermath of not growing up w/ a father. but i'm realizing this is a process. that it's a lot deeper wound then i can even put words too. and the only thing that can help me is the love of God and the leading of the Holy Spirit to usher me in and tell me it's okay to touch another layer of this. so...i was ushed into another place of pain and hurt which i've never felt before dealing w/ this. it was so great though, bc i'm realizing that God's leadership is so perfect that He wouldn't go deep unless He knew i was able to handle it.

i also was confronted w/ something that i've never thought of before. this is pretty personal for me and my mom, but i know that it's healing for me to even talk about it.
i've pretty much felt the abandoned and rejection spirit ever since i can remember. if it wasn't for who i was, it was for who my family was or wasn't. God so gently revealed to me that as a little girl i've allowed myself to actually take on the pain and the abandonment of my mom. that bc my father left her and wasn't able to be there for her, i took it upon myself to 'feel' w/ her and let that pain of her's be w/in me. and i've dealt w/that for all my life. and i finally have language for it. it's so amazing!i finally was able to let it go and i know that i can be free from it bc that's NOT MY JOB. it's okay to have a burden and pray it out and feel for people, but this is a bit different. i know that God has to come in and take all the feelings of this away and He's slowly but surly doing it! i'm so grateful that He's revealed this and where HE is there is freedom!!

i'm racking my brain to pin point what i can exactly write on here. i've been consumed w/ a God burden for Duluth! it's intense! i've been crying out for revival and that God will break in! it's so in me, i can't even explain! i pray that you all would be strengthened and awakened to the love of Christ and gripped w/ a desire for His Word! it's life! it's bread for each day! it's NEEDED in our lives!!! i love you all!! i just also want to encourage you all to get together. to lift up the voices that God has given you, to pray for our city! to believe that God is going to do something!! this is so crucial! we must come together, pray, fast, and cry out to God for Duluth!!!
Joel 2:12-18!!

i've been really praying for chi alpha and for the churches of Duluth as well. i hope all is going well. that the outreaches and whatnot have been on ramps for people to come into a relationship w/ Christ!!! keep chugging team!!! you all rock!!!

i just have a huge love w/in me more you guys! i can't even begin to explain, but ohh how i wish you were able to be w/ me in all that's going on. not that ihop is 'the answer' but the fact that i've grown w/ so many of you all for a long while, and it's hard bc you're not here going through it again w/ me. but it's good. don't get me wrong. He has me here and you there for a reason!

i've been really hacking through Jeremiah and it's ruining me. i'm seeing God's heart for His people being unveiled right before my eyes. HE JUST WANTS OUR LOVE!!! He's longing(this God who is all, above all, has made all longs? anyway...) for a people who will ask Him how He's feeling. who will take the time to listen to Him. to be w/ Him. The more i read this(Jer.) the more i see how it resembles us, our country, and this age. God's #1 desire is that Israel would simply come to Him. turn their faces from their idols(anything that exalts itself above God, especailly ourselves) and turn towards Him!!! He has emotions!! HE desires!! this is crazy, crazy, crazy to us bc so long we've been fed w/ lies that God is indifferent and doesn't really care. NO NO NO!! HE so cares!!! wow! i'm feeling the weight of this and it's leading me to the good fear of the LORD! that He's nearer than we think. that HE sees us! that HE's consumed w/ one thing, US!!! wow!!! thank you Lord, i just pray that we'd get a deeper revelation of what this really means. what idols have i put before God? dang! this is somehow sensitive spot in us all! it's so good to look at this though. i'm so excited that HE's plucking things out of me. even myself! haha. it's good!

so...anywho, i gg. like i said, i love you all! it's for real! i love you!!! He loves you!!!! can't wait to hear more about how you're all doing! keep me updated please!!!!!!!!

peace out,
keldog

posted by Keldog @ 7:15 PM